I am Thankful

It is Thanksgiving. I can't believe we are into the holidays! Time flies! My girls keep asking when we are going to put the decorations up. They are so excited for Christmas! I have to remind them that we will not put decorations up until the day after Thanksgiving. We need to take time to celebrate each holiday before moving on to the next. As much as I want to decorate, I know that this is the time to be thankful for all that God has given.
I am thankful for healthy, beautiful children. My girls are so blessed to be well inside and out. God has taken care of them and I will never forget that. The girls each have their own personalities and I am glad to be getting to know them more and more as they learn themselves. They are so much fun, even in their challenges! I wouldn't trade it for anything!
I am thankful for celebrating 10 years of marriage to my Brian! We have definitely had challenges and I know there will be many more but we have triumphed through it so far and I know that we will continue to succeed!
I am thankful for a wonderful family. Brian and I have been blessed to put both our families together and have infinite amounts of love given to us and our children! Even those that aren't able to be with us that often are special to each of us.
I am thankful to my friends. They are truly my support and I know God placed each of them in my path. I love that I can have fun and be real with them. And no matter how much time goes between talking to them, it seems as if we were never apart!
There are so many more things I am thankful for that I would never finish writing! I must thank God for each and every thing that I have and that I am. Without Him, nothing is possible.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Let them eat cake!

Okay, I know that this happened awhile ago but I do need to share this story:

Carolyn has always been fond of sweets. I'm talking, OCD fond. For her birthday, she had this really cute and special cake that I baked and decorated.


I did not share that she was LOVING the wonderful job I did on her cake and was constantly admiring it in the fridge off and on. Well, in the morning before her birthday party, I open up the fridge to get the cake out so it will not be too cold and there before my eyes, is a huge chunk taken out the side. Definitely the size of a slice of cake. I try to remain calm as my blood begins to boil. I KNOW who this defiler is. Carolyn is in such trouble! I ask her about it and she ducks her head and smiles, or rather smirks. She knew what she did was wrong but it was so worth it for her! I was thankful that I still had icing and could fix this so no one would know the injury. I'm not exactly sure who ended up with that piece, or lack of. Someone with a love for icing I'm sure!

So, then comes September. I worked hard again to make these beautiful individual princess cakes, I made eight of them by the way.


I was so proud of the detail that was involved in getting each girl to look like the princesses that Michelle requested. She wanted Belle, Cinderella and The Little Mermaid. I finished them early because I still had Leah's 2 cakes to decorate. I placed them in the fridge, scattered throughout since they were small and left them.

I had to go to Fort Worth in the afternoon the day before. Brian was with Carolyn but he needed to work on the yard so it would look nice for the party the next day. I got a phone call when I was in FW and Brian says, "I know you are going to be upset but I need to tell you that Carolyn has taken bites out of all the cakes." Thankfully I am in public and can't react as much as I think I could have when I hear these words. I take a deep breath, and realize that there is not much need for me to get upset. I can fix it. Thankfully I've already dealt with this situation before and I almost expected it! This Carolyn is something else!

We are at a birthday party over this past weekend and they had this amazing cake (I'm not showing you because it will make all mine look like a kid did them). Michelle and Carolyn sit down in front of this cake, we sing happy birthday and all the while they keep asking for some. Carolyn was in a zone. She would not take her eyes off the cake. I would not take my eyes off her. Her hand slowly crept up to the cake, and then would look at me and pull her hand away. She did it over and over again. It was killing her! Thankfully she was able to practice self-control and made it through to her piece. I would have been so embarrassed if she had taken a hunk of this one!!!

We have some work to do to keep her from going full force to grab cake everytime she sees one!

Where have we been?

Okay, I have not been doing very well with the whole blogging thing lately. I mean, the last time I wrote was in August??!!! Hard to believe that a whole month went by and I didn't write about all the things that went on! Of course, that is WHY I haven't been writing! So, I feel I must post pics from the birthday parties for Michelle who turned 6 and Leah who turned 1 !
Michelle and Her Princess Friends
Leah enjoying her first cake!


Leah's Birthday Package Cake

So, now that all the parties are over, did I mention that they were on the same day? well, why make things easy on myself! No, it actually was a perfect way to do it because I got both done and it was over. Then I honestly don't remember what we've been doing for the past month since then.

We went to the ranch:



Visited the State Fair of Texas




We went to a pumpkin patch this past weekend!


And the Houston Zoo!




So, needless to say, we've had a busy few months and it has been lots of fun! Can't wait to share more adventures!

Rite of Passage

I think that every mom has their rite of passage that they must venture into before they can truly call themselves mom. Each child has their thing but each child will give the opening. For me, all three of my children have given me the same ceremonial blessing to make me feel truly like their mom. No, not the intense pain of labor or the watching them come into this world. Not even the late nights and no sleep gave me the label "MOM".

I have been vomited on. Not just spit up on. I talking, Exorcist (as everyone always seems to say, but it's true!). Michelle, definitely when she started taking formula. Carolyn, one time when I was burping her after eating and she apparently had eaten way too much. Both just one time and then it was over. Well, Leah, being the youngest, definitely wanted to make hers memorable.

Leah started off probably similar to Carolyn, I'm sure she ate too much or ate something she shouldn't have. Well, she does it once and I think, "Okay, they have all done this. No problem. It should be over now. Maybe I'll give her a few minutes to catch her breath and then she'll be good." Then again. "Okay, for sure you're done now. I've got to get cleaned up and finish dinner that is on the stove. People are waiting!" Leah and I carefully walk to the bathroom so as not to dirty anything else and take a quick bath. She seems to be all better. Brian takes her after we are done, and gets her dried and clean clothes on. She is still fussy. There is no one that she wants more than her momma right now. Brian passes her off. He is praising God in a few minutes when she does it again! So, I guess I will not be eating dinner with the family tonight. Not that anyone would want to be with us.

She was sick off and on for almost 4 hrs. I felt so bad for her. She had Pedialyte, water, and she tried to steal my cold dinner but NO WAY! It was breaking my heart as she was sick over and over but at the same time thinking, "Now I have to take another shower and I'll have a ton of cleaning to do.

Now I'm truly a mom to Leah. She has Christened me as no other child of mine can.

Off to Kindergarten!

She did it! She had her first day at Kindergarten! I wasn't sure how I would feel about it and if I would be sad once I dropped her off.

Last night we had meet the teacher and she was a little shy about it. She had come up with the idea to make her teacher a necklace, even though she didn't know who it was yet. When she gave it to her teacher, that helped her to open up a little. She also met a girl named Lauren in her class and she thought it was so cool that she now knew two Lauren's!

This morning, I had to wake her up because she was not ready to wake up! She was so ready to wear her new dress and meet the other kids in class. Hopefully she will be as motivated in a few weeks as she was today. There was no pushing to get her to brush her teeth, comb her hair, and get dressed today!

Brian and I were able to take her to school together, walk her into her classroom and make sure she knew where all to put her stuff. Brian kept trying to get me to leave right away but I wanted to soak it in a little more before we had to say goodbye. She saw her friend, Lauren, from last night and so was pretty much ready to forget who we were. I was thankful that she was so ready but sad that she was so grown up!

As Brian and I were walking out, I got nostalgic about what we've had with her so far and that she will be in school everyday for the next 13+ yrs! No more taking her to playgroups in the mornings, running errands, staying in our PJ's all day. I know I'll have the summer but it just won't be the same. Michelle is my big girl now and we will have to make some big girl memories now!

Be prepared

When you go to a Women of Faith conference, or any other faith nurturing conference for that matter, preferably one where you have spent the night away from your family and you will know that you have to be prepared for what awaits you at home.

I have just returned from a wonderful two day spiritual womens conference in Dallas. It was powerful, intense, and thought provoking. I listened to Stephen Curtis Chapman talk about his traumatic last year and was thankful for my children and the gifts that they are to me. I had a wonderful time with my friends and getting away for some ME time. I felt rejuvenated, energized and ready for anything. Then I arrive home.......

Seriously, why do I have to be punished for spending time refueling myself? I get full of God's word and the devil is right there to shoot it down. "The girls were great!" says their Nana. Wonderful I think to myself, I am so glad they were able to get along. Not five minutes after being home, the play hitting starts, then the pinching because the other doesn't like the play hitting. Then me trying calmly (because I am a changed Mom right?) to soothe the situation and try and detour then onto something else.

Obviously that doesn't work for long since there is more conflict and arguing and eventually crying. I get some breaks in the drama that is surrounding me but I made the mistake of suggesting it was time for bed. Nothing like declaring war with the kids before bed. So, I say, "Let's take a bath. Then we can pick up a little in your room since we can't walk around it anymore." What was I thinking? Why didn't I just wave the white flag right away??

Remember, I am a powerful woman now. Enriched in God's word and believing I can weather anything that comes my way, except when it comes to my kids. They know me too well. They have my number as Brian will say sometimes. Not that they get away with things but they definitely know how to draw out a battle till you're not sure who is the true victor.

Michelle has been a little emotional in recent times as I have said before. I tend to not be very tolerable of this. I grew up with two brothers and I am the oldest. "Suck it up" is often my first thought. Not the best words for what I should say. So I say, "Be strong". I am learning that the more pressure I put on her, the more she falls apart. Which frustrates me "To infinity and BEYOND!" I want her to be strong but I have so much trouble figuring out how to speak to her spirit without damaging her heart. She is so special and I want her to know that. I tell her that but she has trouble understanding what it truly means.

As I look back at my 24 hours of spiritual teaching, I realize that I have a long way to go. Moms definitely have their work cut out for them. I constantly seek stories from other moms who have experienced something somewhat close to where I am right now or where I have been. It helps me know that I am not alone in the quest for Mom of the Year". Well, at least in my kids eyes!

Make me laugh.

"Carolyn, are you ready to go to my friend's house?"
"Umm, Hmmm."
"We are going to eat dinner there."
" Are they going to have Barbies and Bratz for me and Barbies and Bratz for Michelle?"
"No, sweetie, I think you will play outside. And they only have boy stuff."
"Boy stuff, ooh gross!"

A conversation with my oldest daughter

"Mommy, how do you fall in love?", "How do you meet a boy?", "How do you know you are in love?", "Will we fight?"

GULP! I didn't think that I was going to have to answer questions like that for a little while longer. She will be 6 in less than a month and she already wants to know about love!

I tried not to laugh when she wanted to know if she would fight with her husband, who she wanted to call Dad since it's the man she knows. (Still plenty of innocence!) I did remind her that it is not fighting so much as arguing, which is what she does to me plenty of times a day.

It was such a beautiful thing though. She wanted to know if she would meet someone and why they would love her and that she would love them. It provided the opportunity to seed the thoughts for one day meeting the perfect man for her. I did need to make sure that she knew that she couldn't get married until at least after college. She seemed to agree with me and thankfully I have this blog to revert back to one day to remind her of our agreement!

It was so cute when she said that a boy from VBS said he wanted to marry her and she said she didn't want to because she didn't like what he was wearing! Ha, ha, ha!!! That was hilarious that it was his clothes alone that made her decision. She told me the little boy followed her everywhere and wanted to play with her and he talked a lot! Too funny, but at the same time, I know that this is not something I am ready to deal with. Girls like boys much faster than boys like girls.

Michelle is such a fun girl as I tell her often and boys tend to like hanging out with her. Yikes! She's into keeping up with what they like, Spiderman, Batman, etc. She knows who likes what more. I'm glad she is so good at listening to their interests as every man wants to know their women cares!

I sure hope that I made an impact on her that will last awhile because I know that the next talk is not going to be any easier!

Do I have any power?

I am trying to write, have lots to say, and all I get is "I'M HUNGRY!", "WAAAAAAA", and evil laughing (Michelle, Leah, and Carolyn respectively). When did it happen? Did I ever really have it? I feel I have no power.
Now, as a Christian, I know that I really don't have power to start with, but I think I should have authority at least. Who explained to my children that they could question it?

"No, we are not having a whole Klondike bar in the middle of the day or at all. What in the world makes you think I'd say yes?" "No, stop pulling Leah's arm, Carolyn, she is breakable!" "Carolyn, did you hear me? Carolyn, I said to stop it. Do you hear her crying now?" Okay, I'm done, you get a time out." Waaaaaa, waaaaaa, waaaaaa. "Mommy, I promise I'll only eat half, will you cut it for me? I promise I won't ask for dessert after dinner." Waaaaaaa,waaaaaaa,waaaaaaa. "But MOOOOOOMMMMMMYYYYYYY, I won't eat it AAAAALLLLLLL. PPPLLLLEEEEAAASSSSSEEEEE?" Waaaaa, waaaaaa, waaaaaaaa.

Seriously, that's just what has happened since I got on the computer. All of less than five minutes to reduce my ears to pudding. I hear constant noise, constant questioning of my position as a mom. I tried the whole, threaten and then follow through. Not working well. My kids started agreeing with me. "Okay mommy, take stuff away", or "Okay, I don't want to watch TV anyway." How am I supposed to punish when they are perfectly happy with the punishment? When was the training for moms? I know my kids went to their training, most likely taught by rebellious teenagers since I am seeing signs of myself in my kids. I see dirty looks, lots of attitude, and they are 5, 3, and not even 1! They question everything that happens. I know that you should do your research but don't you think that they could trust me a little?

Of course, I have days or even hours where I feel like I have been successful as a mom. Man, I want to shout it from the rooftops then! "I was a good mom today! I did a great job!" If I could just hear that everyday, even when I'm not feeling that way.

As cute as they are, I wonder what God had in mind when he decided to give me strong children. Not just children but girls. I don't know much about the behaviors of girls since I don't feel that I was as much of one with 2 brothers in the house. There is emotion, drama, and tears everywhere I turn.

Girls are interesting. I feel sorry for Brian. He has so many things that he hasn't even begun to experience with girls and I hope he will stay once they are revealed!

Spiritual help from a 3 year old

Brian and I were returning from our fabulous vacation celebrating our 10 year wedding anniversary that is coming up in November. We had picked up the kids from my parents in Houston, said "See you in a month!" and were on our way back home in my Expedition. We stopped for dinner at Whataburger, and started the 4 hour drive to Denton.

A little over an hour after leaving, the car breaks down. I mean, we are driving one minute and the next the car is no longer on. Completely stopped. Brian manages to pull over to the shoulder and the girls immediately ask questions.
"Mommy, what happened?", "Why did the car stop?", "Why can't we watch a movie?", "Can Daddy fix it?", "Why can't Daddy fix it?". And on and on!

Brian is staying calm about it, even though he can't figure it out. I am frustrated that I have to entertain the kids, keep them cool in the Texas heat, even though it is 6:30 in the evening. Michelle asks what is wrong with the car and I tell her I don't know and neither does Daddy. I tell her to pray to God to help us. She says "But I already prayed two times." I suggest praying some more. Of course, during this time, my faith is not really on my list of things to focus on.

A little while later, while we are evaluating all our possibilities on how to get home, get the car home, all the while keeping our sanity, Michelle tells Carolyn that she prayed three times. Carolyn says that she will pray too. I am walking to the bushes to take care of business and to take a break from the kids questions and I hear, "Praise the Lord, Praise the Lord" coming from Carolyn. Wow! What we needed to hear.

Away!

We are getting ready to go on a trip without the girls. Now, we have been on plenty of overnights and Brian and I have even gone on week long trips before, but not since we've added to the family. This is the first week long trip since Leah was born almost a year ago.

They have no idea! Shhhhhh. I'm so afraid with Michelle's sensitive mental state right now, that she is not going to be happy about us leaving and that we are taking them to Houston and that she will be going to zoo camp everyday while she's there! I know that she will love going to camp but she has been so emotional lately that I'm sure it will be an ordeal everyday. I hope and pray that it not though. Carolyn will be upset but I doubt that she will be impacted much. The same goes for Leah. As long as someone is providing the necessities then she is pretty happy.

Of course, I'm also worried that Leah is going to sprout her top teeth and learn to walk while we are gone. If she does, I don't want to know! I want to say I was first! Leah already stands from the sitting position and she pushes her little cart around all over. She has even learned how to turn it once she gets to the wall so she can go back the other way. It is so hard to be away when they are learning so many new things everyday!

It will be nice to not hear the arguments between Michelle and Carolyn on what to play and the crying when it doesn't go their way. No one to wake us up before we want to and to not have to worry about feeding all those mouths. It will be pretty quiet on vacation, just Brian and I to talk. I know that at the end of the trip I will be ready to see them and I'll actually miss all the things I'm ready to take a break from!

Brian and I are celebrating our 10 year anniversary a little early, we won't actually be married 10 yrs until November but we didn't want to worry about logistics of going during the school year and all the activities that the girls have got going on. It is such a wonderful thing that we've been together that long and believe that we will be for many more.

So, just a few more days!!!

Finally!

Leah has finally said Mama!! I am so excited that she has spoken the sweet word of love. Of course, she only says it when crying for me. I guess I should be thankful. Of course she's been saying Dada and Dog for over two months now.

I know that in a year or so I'll be wanting for her to forget that she ever learned my name. I now know why my mom always said she was going into the witness relocation program. I here my name way too much with Michelle and Carolyn and even Brian so another one is going to make me consider changing identities!

I love the way Leah says Mama though. Eeee, mmmmaaaa,mmmaaaa, eeeeee, bububububu,spspspspsp. Any mom knows those words, crying through the actual word.

She has started watching me leave the room or even attempt to get up and she starts crying. Talk about manipulation! She wants someone to pick her up, well I should say she wants me to pick her up. The big girls want to but Leah cries every time they do. I'm sure it has nothing to do with the bear hug they hold her with and the josteling they seem to give her as they attempt to find me wherever I am to let me know that Leah wants me. So helpful they are!!!

They still play mommy with their babies and want to be mommies when they get big but they don't like it when Leah cries, hence why they tend to bring her to me. They still have a long way to go!

It is so wonderful to see them as they grow and I am so thankful to God to provide me with this opportunity to stay home with them and I am also thankful to Brian for being willing to let me!

Does anyone hear me?

This is a story about me. I tell all the things about the funny things the girls do and say but I hardly ever talk about myself. I tend to not want to let anyone know who I am as a mother.

Someone said to me the other day, "I just love seeing your kids, they are just so carefree and laid back!" They say this as Carolyn is outside, driving her Jeep, wearing her down feather coat when it was at least 100 degrees outside. Who knows what she was wearing underneath, I do know there were clothes on though! I started thinking that maybe I let my kids do too much on their own. I mean, I hear them getting into the fridge right now, who knows what it is they are getting out. I am just tired of getting mad at them for finding things to eat all day (At least the fridge is more likely to have something healthy than the pantry) . Maybe I don't feed them enough. Actually I think it is more that they would prefer snacking all day instead of eating meals. And they do take after their dad who enjoys the same habits when he is home! (Which unfortunately he doesn't look like he does this but I do)

I digress. I let my kids dress themselves so often and I am always amazed at what they will put together. Michelle tells me that if you wear a pink shirt, you should wear pinks pants. That is how they match. She doesn't quite get the colors that match but are not the same. For her, matching means the same, not coordinating. I am proud that she "matches" so well!

I let the girls change their own channels on the TV. They know that Nick is on 253 and that most of the other channels are near there. Carolyn tends to just push buttons which, if Michelle is there, makes her mad and a scuffle ensues. I let those happen too. I mean, how many times should I interfere with a fight on wanting to be Aurora versus Cinderella. Apparently this is a major deal for the big girls. Then there may be hitting (which I try my best to stop) and arguing (which I try my best to stay out of) and then there is crying (which I wait for the tone of the cry before seeing if it is truly necessary for me to be involved in) all the while Leah is watching from the sidelines and occasionally laughing as someone cries. Why babies thinking other people crying is funny is beyond me. I guess when you cry, you make funny faces!

I found that in the past year, I have lost some of my authority. Somehow, I am not as effective as I once was. Maybe with the addition of Leah, I have less time to be on guard. I still nurse her and so I tend to not be able to keep incidents from escalating because I am stuck sitting down. Leah does not enjoy being walked around to eat and my body does not like it either. The time that I am feeding Leah, whether it is nursing or giving her baby food, thus making it hard for me to get up, is the chance the girls have to misbehave. They have a short window to get into their altercations and know that they can stand there in front of me and they have picked up that I can't do anything but yell at them.

I have to constantly tell myself that they are just learning who they are and that they are checking their position in the family, what effect they have on me, what they can get away with, etc. Man, kids are a lot smarter than I thought they would be! I am so thankful that I have belief in God because I know that I would have gone truly mental by now if I did not have Him to take care of us all.

Just like in the birth of children, I wish someone had told me what it was truly like to raise children. I know that I was a difficult child at times but my mom seemed to keep her calm every time we did something. How did she do that? Why didn't I get that from her? Why did I get my dad in so many things? Why did my dad laugh when we had our first daughter? Was I all that bad? Why did I end up with 3 girls? Am I going to pay for what I did as a teenager? There needs to be a course on how to be a mom with full disclosure on the dirt and mud that you truly go through as a mom.

I watched Oprah the other day (I promise I hardly ever watch her anymore, when do I have time except to DVR?) and she had some moms on and I was SO glad to hear that there are moms that have done things that made me laugh and helped me see that I am not alone in the "fly by the seat of my pants" kind of life you have to sometimes have to be a mom!

I'm just thankful that I am a mom, no matter how hard it is and how little they seem to do to help me sometimes. I have to remind myself that they are 5, 3, and 10 months. I can't expect them to be groomed overnight. I know that I will get better and better as a mom over time and I know that's why there are 365 days in a year! I'd hate to see what people would be like if we lived as dogs!

A Special Bond

I now understand what it means to have a sisterhood bond. Michelle has been in South Texas for almost a week and Carolyn has been pretty lonely without her. As we took Michelle and Nana to the airport, they were hugging and telling each other how much they were going to miss each other.

For the first day or two, Carolyn kept saying Michelle was on the plane still. I tried over and over to tell her that they were already in Harlingen but she knew that since we dropped her off at the airport, that must mean that she was staying there, or at least on the plane! I finally decided this was an argument that wasn't worth winning.

On Friday evening, Michelle called and talked to Carolyn on the phone. It was the cutest conversation I've ever heard!

Michelle: Hi Carolyn!
Carolyn: Hi Michelle, I miss you!
Michelle: I miss you too!
Carolyn: You're my best friend forever, I drew you some pictures and I will put them on the table and give them to you when you get home and I've been playing and our room is clean and we are at Gale's and we went swimming and we are playing.......
Michelle: Yeah our room is clean! I love you Carolyn I miss you!
Carolyn: I miss you too!

I have never known how loving they could be and how much they could miss each other. It has been so quiet without Michelle here but I know that as soon as she is home, it will be noisy again!!!

I know that Leah is still too young for this but I hope that they will all have that bond with each other like they do right now! So sweet!

Swim Time!

Okay, it is a little early for the 100+ degree days that we've been having and I am wanting to move to Alaska and join the Ice Road Truckers right now but we have managed to survive thus far. Today was only going to be around 95 so I decided I better mow today because I don't think people will be able to find our house if we wait for it to be any cooler! But that is so boring. Here's what we've been up to!

Leah went on the boat for the first time on Friday. She screamed for the first 30 minutes. Brian was a little concerned since he would live on a boat if I let him! Let me just say, the first trip with all of us was definitely a low point in our family experiences. However, at least we can't get any worse! Once Leah finally got her sea legs, oh yeah, and I nursed her, gave her dinner and nursed her again, she was great! Brian and I mutually agreed that we will not be taking her with us for awhile. She is a little too high maintenance for us!
We also had Bailey, our black lab, with us. That was fun especially since she is not fond of water but wanted to tag along. As you can see, she requires a life jacket as well!A few weeks ago we bought a little pool for the backyard that the girls could play with since we don't have a neighborhood pool anymore. The girls have had such a blast with it and Leah loves being able to crawl in the water as the girls play! Michelle and Carolyn think it's fun to try and just miss her as they go down the slide. This requires a lot of supervision of Leah since she tends to start her trek across the pool right when they are going down!We have had a very busy summer so far, we've been to the beach in South Padre, to Houston to visit Grandpa and Ginner and then various VBS's around here. Anything to keep the girls entertained for the summer! It has been fun but I'm glad to have a little quiet time at home. Ha, ha, ha. I mean, we are at home and I'm kind of getting things done. There is definitely no quiet!One more thing, this is one of my favorite new pics. Brian and Carolyn on the beach at SPI. So cute!

Michelle the Ballerina and Leah

Little Leah was dedicated at the church on Sunday. She was so beautiful! We had her wearing the same gown as Michelle and Carolyn wore when they were dedicated and also the same one that I wore along with my two girl cousins. It was a very special time. Knowing that Brian and I plan to raise her in the Lord and teach her the way of a Christian is such a special time!

Here is my big girl, Michelle at her first Ballet Recital! She was a beautiful ballerina! I was so proud of her. She had the best time getting all dolled up for both the dress rehearsal and the actual recital. She loved all the makeup, especially the lipstick! I cannot believe how different she can look with all that on! She doesn't look like the same little girl. We were so glad that she performed well, of course, anything that she did we would be proud of her! She saw something to the end and was rewarded with a performance to remember!

Now she is all excited about having a new dress up to wear around the house! She has already had to show it off to her non ballet friends! This is making Carolyn want to start ballet right now so she can be just like her big sister!

Sucess???

I feel like I was a good mom today. I got my kids to pick up the living room to an acceptable level. It was a good day that I didn't have to fight to get them to think about picking up. That I didn't have to listen to the whining about how tired (Michelle) they are or how BORING (Michelle) it is. Of course whatever Michelle does, Carolyn does too. She is like the mimic. How can someone not think for themselves yet? Oh wait, that's for when she's alone and has the strength to fight me to the death for a piece of candy.

I was a good mom today because I did not have to do the picking up myself and then threaten to take their toys away. "I am going to go get a trash bag right now and throw them all away!!" I say clenching my teeth. "Okay Mommy, thanks for cleaning up for us." says Michelle with no care for the loss of her Barbie dream house or shoes, clothes, etc.

I was a good Mom today because I turned the music on, "Turn on the rock music Mommy" they shout! It makes it more fun to clean. "Turn the timer on and let's see if we can get it finished before it beeps!" "Oh no, Mommy, start it again. We'll go faster this time!"

I was a good Mom today because I laughed while I watched my kids clean and have fun at the same time.

I was a good Mom today because I know that tomorrow is another day and God has a sense of humor.

A spiritual conversation with Carolyn

"Mommy, what does God do?" says Carolyn.

"God watches over us and protects us, sweetie."

"No Mommy, what does God DO?" insists Carolyn.

"He takes care of us and guides us and loves us." Trying to give a 3 year old an answer about God.....while driving.

"No Mommy, He builds the Ark!"

"Well, Carolyn, you are right, that He helped Noah build the ark."

"Yes, God built the Ark!"

I'm so glad that I have a daughter who is strong in her faith!

Crawling!

Leah has started crawling. I told someone that today and they said, "She has officially moved out of baby". Waaaaaaaa! I love my little baby! I can't believe that she is wanting to be mobile now. She is at the same age as Michelle was but it seems like Leah is so much smaller that I remember Michelle being.
Of course now that Leah can crawl, Michelle and Carolyn think she should start racing! They will get down on the floor next to her and say, "ready, set, go!" They are disappointed that she is not moving fast enough for their game. "Podo, why can't you go faster?" (Carolyn started calling Leah "Podo" one day and it has stuck ever since.)
Leah also can pull herself up on the table, couch, me, toys, and on and on and on...... I watch her as she stands at the table, trying to grab for things knowing that she is going to fall at some point and wondering if she will cry when she slips off or will she just ignore it and try again. This is the time I cringe for them. Well, one of the times anyway. I know they are going to hurt themselves but I also know that they will have to learn!
I can tell that the girls are getting even more interested in her now that she has more "tricks" that she can do, although they are not liking the rule that now they have to pay attention to little stuff on the floor. I have a hard enough time getting them to clean up the big stuff and they are not happy about the little stuff for sure!
Now I have to start shopping for gates for the stairs again. It's only a matter of time before Leah finds them!

Slow Down!

Leah is getting so big. She learned to go from laying down to a sitting position while I was in DC 2 weeks ago. Brian was bragging that he got to see something first, before me. Well, I should let him have it. It's only fair that he saw it first since I did leave him with all three girls for the first time!!
Then this past weekend she has discovered that she can pull herself up in her bed! Wait a minute, now we have to take the mobile down, lower the mattress and start checking tables that she can get to! I have enjoyed not having too much stuff child proofed or baby proofed I should say. But now I am going to have to really pay more attention.
Soon enough she is going to be crawling and so now I'm having to think about a baby gate for the stairs! It's all coming too fast. She looks so little and I can't believe that she is 7 1/2 months old! It doesn't feel like it's been that long.
She smiles when someone looks at her but then she cries if you leave her. I like that even though I have to hear her cry when I just have to get a refill on my coffee! I love having our Tuesday and Thursday to just the two of us while the big girls are at school. She gets to snuggle with me before her nap and she just looks into my eyes as she sucks her tiny thumb. I am so thankful to have this beautiful little baby to love and I am trying so hard to soak her all in before she grows up. Slow down Leah!!!

Crying in the car

All I have to do is let you read the lyrics of this song I heard on my way to pick the girls up from school today and you'll know why I was crying......

Darius Rucker
It Won't Be Like This For Long

He didn't have to wake up
He'd been up all night
Lying there in bed and listening
To his newborn baby cry
He makes a pot of coffee
He splashes water on his face
His wife gives him a kiss and says,
"It's gonna be okay"

"It won't be like this for long
One day we'll look back laughing
At the week we brought her home
This phase is gonna fly by
So baby, just hold on
It won't be like this for long"

Four years later, 'bout 4:30
She's crawling in their bed
And when he drops her off at pre-school
She's clinging to his leg
The teacher peels her off of him
He says, "What can I do?"
She says, "Now, don't you worry
This'll only last a week or two"

"It won't be like this for long
One day soon you'll drop her off
And she won't even know you're gone
This phase is gonna fly by
If you can just hold on
It won't be like this for long"

Someday soon she'll be a teenager
And at times, he'll think she hates him
And he'll walk her down the aisle
And raise her veil,
But right now she's up and cryin'
And the truth is that he don't mind
As he kisses her goodnight
And she says her prayers

He lays down there beside her
Till her eyes are finally closed
And just watching her it breaks his heart
'Cause he already knows

It won't be like this for long
One day soon that little girl is gonna be
All grown up and gone
And this phase is gonna fly by
So he's trying to hold on
It won't be like this for long
It won't be like this for long

This song is so beautiful. I think about my girls and I was definitely having a few days where I was wanting this time to pass but after hearing that song and now reading the lyrics again, I am going to cherish every minute I have with them because no matter how many kids I have, I will only have those moments with each of them once.

I want to be you!

I have told this story so many times since it happened the other day and I know that I will never forget it. It truly pulls at my heartstrings and lets me know I am doing a good job.

Michelle was bossing Carolyn around the other day and it was making Carolyn very mad (this is an ongoing, everyday kind of thing). I finally decided they were not going to be able to work it out without my assistance and I approach them. I tell Michelle to stop telling Carolyn what to do and she immediately runs out the back door ( I should say that we were right at the door so it wasn't as dramatic as all that!). I follow her out and call her to come to me. She cowers as she takes a few steps, then some more, and then some more. This has given me a moment to take a breath and look at the situation from a calm mommy place. Then, trying to be a good mom, I kneel in front of her and ask her why she thinks that she should be telling Carolyn what to do and how to do things (I have no idea what she was telling Carolyn to do, as I said, this happens everyday!). She starts to cry and I am trying to get her to focus and not get out of her punishment by crying. She says to me in between sobs " I just want to be a mommy so bad and it's so hard for me to just be a kid sometimes."

Well, how do I punish that? I am so glad that she has this desire but after a second of letting that soak in, I tell her that she does not need to grow up so fast and that she should enjoy being a kid and having fun as kid and then someday I pray she will get to be a mommy.

My kids can make me feel so good and so bad at being a mom. They can be so appreciative of me and then the next minute want me to go away. It is such a rollercoaster but I am so thankful to be on it. The fact that my daughter wants to be like me someday is the best compliment that I can ever get. I pray for the Lord to continue to be in me so that I can share His love with my family.

Michelle and the earrings

She has done it! Michelle got her ears pierced on Monday. She has asked me for months and I have said, maybe this week for every time she asked. I finally decided that after her ballet class we would go to the mall and just get it done. Not that I was fearful for her or that she wasn't ready had I put it off. My own mother did not let me join this club until well into high school. She apparently thought I was too irresponsible before then. Not sure what changed her mind. Anyway, I was determined not to let my children wait until then to get them done but I also didn't want to do that to my infants. It pains me to think of doing that to my babies! The PKU test on their heal is bad enough!
So, we get to Claire's in the mall and I tell Michelle what we are doing there. All of a sudden she is freaked! She doesn't want to do it. So, I have to take baby steps, first have her just look at the choices for earrings, then once she has those picked out, look at all the choices for later, once they have healed. Then, after she was certain to back out, I offered her a present for being so brave, whatever she wanted in the store, after she got the ears done.
We had to wait for someone else which added to the aprehension. Then she wanted to sit in my lap on the stool. Carolyn is begging to get hers done as well but I'm somewhat realizing why my mom waited with me, Carolyn definitely isn't responsible! Leah starts to get fussy and I'm trying to rock her stroller, watch Carolyn to make sure she doesn't steal anything from the store as she is putting stuff into a bag, and hold Michelle's hands, which she insists on doing.
What am I thinking! I apparently got the idea that I am Super Mom and I can handle all of this with little trouble. The lady says she will count to 3 and then punch the earring. Michelle tightens her grip and the first ear is done. Ten to fifteen minutes later, the 2nd is done. I have never persuaded like I persuaded in those minutes in between piercings. I should have made the lady find someone else to help her out and have them do it at the same time. Michelle was begging for the lady to not do the other one, hiding her ear and crying HUGE tears. We are at the entrance of the store and I look like I am forcing my child. I'm sure that CPS is coming at any moment. Then we remind her of the cool nail polish that she has picked out for her prize and she tells the lady to count to 6. The lady says, 1,2,3 pop! Michelle cries again but only for a minute. FINALLY! It is over. Carolyn is almost falling apart because she wants it to be her turn. I think she could handle the pain but I know she would take the earrings out in a second.
Michelle has been cracking me up ever since. She tells everyone that it didn't really hurt and can't wait to get new earrings. She has been so great about cleaning them several times a day as well as spinning them. I am so proud of her and will always have this great memory!!!

Being Mom

Michelle makes me laugh. I will watch her with Carolyn and Leah and she treats them just as I treat her. She speaks to them in the same motherly way she has been spoken to. "Now Carolyn, let me do that for you. You are too little to be doing that", or "If you don't listen to me, I will take away your priveledges". I guess about her age, they start trying to become people of authority. I figure they are around those kinds of adults more often with school, activities, and family. I just have realized how much I have to watch myself so that I don't have my words repeated later! It definitely shows me what kind of mom I am based on the role playing I hear!!!
Leah I'm sure is overwhelmed with all the things that go on in this house. She is constantly looking around with her eyes wide open, watching Carolyn and Michelle. Carolyn keeps coming up to her and says "I'm your sister" (or as she pronounces Sista). She is so proud to be a sister. Very proud! We can have lots of love, and then lots of hitting all within a 5 minute period! I sometimes wonder if boys are rougher than the girls are, I'm so glad we only have girls!!! Of course, the drama is the main thing. I'm sure that they have seen my reactions to things and are only following my lead, but man it's can be annoying to be so dramatic. It makes me want to be a little more tough on myself!
I hope that my girls are seeing a good example for what a mom is and that they will want to be in my place someday, maybe not everyday though!

Growing Up

I have realized that it is hard to give love to each child in exactly the right amount all the time. I have got to remember to multiply my love instead of spread it. Since Leah is still nursing, I spend so much time with her. Then, I don't want to leave Carolyn out of getting enough love since she isn't the youngest any more. Michelle, I sometimes forget that she is still in need of Mommy time and just Mommy.

After Leah and Carolyn went to bed last night, Michelle and I hung out together. Just laid on the couch and watched TV. Daddy was out with a friend so it was just the big girls. She just wanted to be close to me. Not sharing me and not having to do anything.

It made me think about how much she wants to be a big girl and miss independent but at the same time, wants to be my little girl. She will be in Kindergarten in the fall and I know I will miss her being around everyday. I want to make sure that each of my girls feels loved individually as well as together by both Brian and I. They are precious.

This parenting thing can be so rewarding and so trying at the same time. It truly is a learn as you go experience. It makes me think about how our parents were and what they thought was the best for us. I just keep thinking about what my kids will someday think of me and hope that I give them many reasons to be loved!

Holidays

The holidays have been great. We have traveled a ton, and now I am ready to stay home for awhile. The girls have been enjoying all of their toys that Santa brought them and it makes things so much more enjoyable for me! Since the big girls got bigger toys this year, that meant I had to go through their old stuff and organize and get rid of some things. I was hoping that we could donate a lot of stuff but it turns out, mostly I'm throwing away. How is that? How is it that I have managed to let trash pile up in their room? I guess I get too sentimental sometimes with stuff.
Brian says I'm somewhat of a pack rat but I don't think so. I see plenty of people who have way more stuff that us! With that said, we are still able to donate some stuff but the girls don't quite get it. Michelle keeps asking me "Why don't all kids have toys?" She doesn't understand that some people don't have much money, especially for toys. I know that it is a hard concept to understand since she has most of what she desires. I know that over time she will get it. Maybe sometime we will go to a place where she can better understand charity. I know she definitely would have a heart for it once she understood!
We managed to see all of the grandparents this year. We are so glad that we could. It made for lots of traveling but in my new Ford Expedition, it was very comfy! Now I'm ready for school to start up again so that the house can be quiet for a few hrs a couple days a week! I need my routine to come back. I don't know what I'm going to do this summer though! At least I've got a few months to plan!