Crying in the car

All I have to do is let you read the lyrics of this song I heard on my way to pick the girls up from school today and you'll know why I was crying......

Darius Rucker
It Won't Be Like This For Long

He didn't have to wake up
He'd been up all night
Lying there in bed and listening
To his newborn baby cry
He makes a pot of coffee
He splashes water on his face
His wife gives him a kiss and says,
"It's gonna be okay"

"It won't be like this for long
One day we'll look back laughing
At the week we brought her home
This phase is gonna fly by
So baby, just hold on
It won't be like this for long"

Four years later, 'bout 4:30
She's crawling in their bed
And when he drops her off at pre-school
She's clinging to his leg
The teacher peels her off of him
He says, "What can I do?"
She says, "Now, don't you worry
This'll only last a week or two"

"It won't be like this for long
One day soon you'll drop her off
And she won't even know you're gone
This phase is gonna fly by
If you can just hold on
It won't be like this for long"

Someday soon she'll be a teenager
And at times, he'll think she hates him
And he'll walk her down the aisle
And raise her veil,
But right now she's up and cryin'
And the truth is that he don't mind
As he kisses her goodnight
And she says her prayers

He lays down there beside her
Till her eyes are finally closed
And just watching her it breaks his heart
'Cause he already knows

It won't be like this for long
One day soon that little girl is gonna be
All grown up and gone
And this phase is gonna fly by
So he's trying to hold on
It won't be like this for long
It won't be like this for long

This song is so beautiful. I think about my girls and I was definitely having a few days where I was wanting this time to pass but after hearing that song and now reading the lyrics again, I am going to cherish every minute I have with them because no matter how many kids I have, I will only have those moments with each of them once.

I want to be you!

I have told this story so many times since it happened the other day and I know that I will never forget it. It truly pulls at my heartstrings and lets me know I am doing a good job.

Michelle was bossing Carolyn around the other day and it was making Carolyn very mad (this is an ongoing, everyday kind of thing). I finally decided they were not going to be able to work it out without my assistance and I approach them. I tell Michelle to stop telling Carolyn what to do and she immediately runs out the back door ( I should say that we were right at the door so it wasn't as dramatic as all that!). I follow her out and call her to come to me. She cowers as she takes a few steps, then some more, and then some more. This has given me a moment to take a breath and look at the situation from a calm mommy place. Then, trying to be a good mom, I kneel in front of her and ask her why she thinks that she should be telling Carolyn what to do and how to do things (I have no idea what she was telling Carolyn to do, as I said, this happens everyday!). She starts to cry and I am trying to get her to focus and not get out of her punishment by crying. She says to me in between sobs " I just want to be a mommy so bad and it's so hard for me to just be a kid sometimes."

Well, how do I punish that? I am so glad that she has this desire but after a second of letting that soak in, I tell her that she does not need to grow up so fast and that she should enjoy being a kid and having fun as kid and then someday I pray she will get to be a mommy.

My kids can make me feel so good and so bad at being a mom. They can be so appreciative of me and then the next minute want me to go away. It is such a rollercoaster but I am so thankful to be on it. The fact that my daughter wants to be like me someday is the best compliment that I can ever get. I pray for the Lord to continue to be in me so that I can share His love with my family.

Michelle and the earrings

She has done it! Michelle got her ears pierced on Monday. She has asked me for months and I have said, maybe this week for every time she asked. I finally decided that after her ballet class we would go to the mall and just get it done. Not that I was fearful for her or that she wasn't ready had I put it off. My own mother did not let me join this club until well into high school. She apparently thought I was too irresponsible before then. Not sure what changed her mind. Anyway, I was determined not to let my children wait until then to get them done but I also didn't want to do that to my infants. It pains me to think of doing that to my babies! The PKU test on their heal is bad enough!
So, we get to Claire's in the mall and I tell Michelle what we are doing there. All of a sudden she is freaked! She doesn't want to do it. So, I have to take baby steps, first have her just look at the choices for earrings, then once she has those picked out, look at all the choices for later, once they have healed. Then, after she was certain to back out, I offered her a present for being so brave, whatever she wanted in the store, after she got the ears done.
We had to wait for someone else which added to the aprehension. Then she wanted to sit in my lap on the stool. Carolyn is begging to get hers done as well but I'm somewhat realizing why my mom waited with me, Carolyn definitely isn't responsible! Leah starts to get fussy and I'm trying to rock her stroller, watch Carolyn to make sure she doesn't steal anything from the store as she is putting stuff into a bag, and hold Michelle's hands, which she insists on doing.
What am I thinking! I apparently got the idea that I am Super Mom and I can handle all of this with little trouble. The lady says she will count to 3 and then punch the earring. Michelle tightens her grip and the first ear is done. Ten to fifteen minutes later, the 2nd is done. I have never persuaded like I persuaded in those minutes in between piercings. I should have made the lady find someone else to help her out and have them do it at the same time. Michelle was begging for the lady to not do the other one, hiding her ear and crying HUGE tears. We are at the entrance of the store and I look like I am forcing my child. I'm sure that CPS is coming at any moment. Then we remind her of the cool nail polish that she has picked out for her prize and she tells the lady to count to 6. The lady says, 1,2,3 pop! Michelle cries again but only for a minute. FINALLY! It is over. Carolyn is almost falling apart because she wants it to be her turn. I think she could handle the pain but I know she would take the earrings out in a second.
Michelle has been cracking me up ever since. She tells everyone that it didn't really hurt and can't wait to get new earrings. She has been so great about cleaning them several times a day as well as spinning them. I am so proud of her and will always have this great memory!!!

Being Mom

Michelle makes me laugh. I will watch her with Carolyn and Leah and she treats them just as I treat her. She speaks to them in the same motherly way she has been spoken to. "Now Carolyn, let me do that for you. You are too little to be doing that", or "If you don't listen to me, I will take away your priveledges". I guess about her age, they start trying to become people of authority. I figure they are around those kinds of adults more often with school, activities, and family. I just have realized how much I have to watch myself so that I don't have my words repeated later! It definitely shows me what kind of mom I am based on the role playing I hear!!!
Leah I'm sure is overwhelmed with all the things that go on in this house. She is constantly looking around with her eyes wide open, watching Carolyn and Michelle. Carolyn keeps coming up to her and says "I'm your sister" (or as she pronounces Sista). She is so proud to be a sister. Very proud! We can have lots of love, and then lots of hitting all within a 5 minute period! I sometimes wonder if boys are rougher than the girls are, I'm so glad we only have girls!!! Of course, the drama is the main thing. I'm sure that they have seen my reactions to things and are only following my lead, but man it's can be annoying to be so dramatic. It makes me want to be a little more tough on myself!
I hope that my girls are seeing a good example for what a mom is and that they will want to be in my place someday, maybe not everyday though!

Growing Up

I have realized that it is hard to give love to each child in exactly the right amount all the time. I have got to remember to multiply my love instead of spread it. Since Leah is still nursing, I spend so much time with her. Then, I don't want to leave Carolyn out of getting enough love since she isn't the youngest any more. Michelle, I sometimes forget that she is still in need of Mommy time and just Mommy.

After Leah and Carolyn went to bed last night, Michelle and I hung out together. Just laid on the couch and watched TV. Daddy was out with a friend so it was just the big girls. She just wanted to be close to me. Not sharing me and not having to do anything.

It made me think about how much she wants to be a big girl and miss independent but at the same time, wants to be my little girl. She will be in Kindergarten in the fall and I know I will miss her being around everyday. I want to make sure that each of my girls feels loved individually as well as together by both Brian and I. They are precious.

This parenting thing can be so rewarding and so trying at the same time. It truly is a learn as you go experience. It makes me think about how our parents were and what they thought was the best for us. I just keep thinking about what my kids will someday think of me and hope that I give them many reasons to be loved!

Holidays

The holidays have been great. We have traveled a ton, and now I am ready to stay home for awhile. The girls have been enjoying all of their toys that Santa brought them and it makes things so much more enjoyable for me! Since the big girls got bigger toys this year, that meant I had to go through their old stuff and organize and get rid of some things. I was hoping that we could donate a lot of stuff but it turns out, mostly I'm throwing away. How is that? How is it that I have managed to let trash pile up in their room? I guess I get too sentimental sometimes with stuff.
Brian says I'm somewhat of a pack rat but I don't think so. I see plenty of people who have way more stuff that us! With that said, we are still able to donate some stuff but the girls don't quite get it. Michelle keeps asking me "Why don't all kids have toys?" She doesn't understand that some people don't have much money, especially for toys. I know that it is a hard concept to understand since she has most of what she desires. I know that over time she will get it. Maybe sometime we will go to a place where she can better understand charity. I know she definitely would have a heart for it once she understood!
We managed to see all of the grandparents this year. We are so glad that we could. It made for lots of traveling but in my new Ford Expedition, it was very comfy! Now I'm ready for school to start up again so that the house can be quiet for a few hrs a couple days a week! I need my routine to come back. I don't know what I'm going to do this summer though! At least I've got a few months to plan!

Whole new league!

Almost everyday I go out, someone says, "How do you do three kids?" I guess being the oldest of three, I never thought that it was that big of a deal. I had wanted at least three but never gave any thought on whether it would be harder and that I would get so many remarks!
I love having three. I am more organized, I plan more, I have to stay calm more and I think I have more patience. (Now if there are those that would disagree, please let me live in my own world, I like having this confidence!) Now that I've had time to be a mom to three, I almost think it's easier than two. Someone always has a friend. Michelle and Carolyn can play for hours with each other and not get bored. When Michelle goes to Kindergarten next year, Carolyn will have Leah to play with. I am glad that they have choices! I loved having siblings, maybe not at the time but looking back anyway! They played dress up, I played cars, we all played together.
I cant imagine having only two kids now that I have three and I am so thankful to have them all. I am glad that people think I'm super mom because I am outnumbered. Hey, I've been outnumbered since the day I had kids. I love being a mom, even when I want to go into witness relocation and change my name. I don't know about having more kids right now, but I'm glad that I'm one of the few that has many children, I think it has helped me grow as a person and I have learned to love like I never thought I could!